26.2.12

lightweight

things I like:
whiskey, peas, disappearing sometimes

things I am learning to like:
white russians, mushrooms, staying awake and involved until most members of the party have disbanded





it is still easier for me to talk to people in groups of 2-5 than anything bigger than that. but I am learning. thank god for good friends. and good extroverted friends.

20.2.12

heartbreak.

one of my (favorite) kids got arrested for having a loaded gun in school.

I have a lot of feelings about this. I have a lot of anger about his choices, about his situation, about his neighborhood and about the whole state of urban america in general. I have a lot of sadness for him, his family, and his friends. I have sadness for myself; I have lost a mentee. it is so strange. I wrote him a letter and I'm going to work on finding a way to send it to him. it would be nice to keep in contact.

it's just so sad. this didn't need to happen. three hours before his arrest we had a conversation about his life and how he felt that nobody understood him, how he felt lonely, how he was so excited to talk to me because I actually listened and he didn't really have other people who did that. and maybe if we had had that conversation a few days earlier this wouldn't have happened, you know? but that's not how it works. no, it's never how it works. you just get what you get and wondering why doesn't help.

ugh ugh ugh.

this job, man.

they told me it would be hard, but I didn't expect it to be hard like this.