i only write when i am supposed to be doing other things, and when i am supposed to be writing i start doing other things. this must mean something.
how much do i really care about this?
a lot, when i am allowed to separate myself from it.
there is a nervousness in my belly that i haven't felt in years. i don't know how to eat, lately. i am channeling characters from books and remembering how it feels to stand on bridges.
(why can't i just interact with people on my own terms?)
i have nothing to show for any of this.