22.10.10

i've ignored this blog.

i don't make time for writing and i know it's a problem. i know that it's stupid and irresponsible and that i waste too much time on the internet or doing stupid things. but writing means having to look at things and feel things and be things and i am just tired, right now.

i've been reading viktor frankl's "man's search for meaning." it's his account of surviving the holocaust. at work on thursday, i spent an hour going through wikipedia pages about concentration camps and ss leaders and terrible, terrible things. it's hard to believe that humanity is capable of anything remotely capable of making up for the shit we do. and it's not like genocide is news to us, either. it's been going on for thousands of years and is continuing now. not to mention the reality of modern-day slavery and all of the homosexuals who are being beaten to death in africa right now.

we're terrible. really.

if there's anything i've learned by studying history, it's that human beings are terrible, terrible creatures and i hope that we get our shit together before the aliens come. or perhaps they've already made a visit and have decided that we're too horrible to stay. the things we do to each other...are beyond words.

and all of it will probably happen again. it's what we do.

maybe we should just destroy this planet until it is past human habitation, all die out, and let the earth take itself back where it needs to be. maybe that discovery channel (history channel?) special was an accurate prediction of the future...and maybe it is a good thing.

i don't know.

i'm just feeling sick. and no good seems good enough to make up for this.