25.5.09

not me

i am not writing much lately.
i don't have the drive to write much lately.
i'm reading all the time, but nothing is coming out.
i feel like someone who has lost interest in sex, and their partner is just sitting there waiting for them.

where is my literary viagra?

15.5.09

who?

he never called.

10.5.09

unpacking

i'm coming back "home" for 3 months only to leave again.
my shit is everywhere.
i haven't cried about leaving yet, but i have breathed heavily and hidden my head in my knees.
living at home is going to be so difficult.
grand rapids is calling for me temporarily.
st. paul is yelling at me to come soon.
this will be a long summer.
i am going to enjoy it, just the same, i hope.

i need a job.

6.5.09

wisdom teeth

i am in love with so many different people and things right now that i am getting overwhelmed.

it is my last week of school here. it is my last week of living in this city. i don't know what to do. i don't know who to see. i am surrounded by so many people that i like. but of course, i must come visit over the summer.

i've been working and sleeping odd hours.
i've been watching movies about space.
i've been reading books about jazz.

i haven't been writing music. (i don't like that.)

if only leaving were easy. if only detachment was simple. if only everyone weren't so wonderful.

i need to find a way to keep these people in my life forever.



i needed so many things from these people, you know? i needed smoky coffee shops at 2 AM and spontaneous adventures. i needed to climb on a roof. i needed to be in charge of something. i needed to be made responsible. i needed to receive unnecessary gifts. i needed very strong hugs. i needed to break silly rules i was supposed to uphold. i needed to tell everyone they were wonderful. i needed hope. i needed to hold hands. i needed to give more back rubs. i needed to play the blues. i needed jam sessions. i needed to be a little trapped. i needed to learn independence. i needed structure. i needed something to break free from. i needed tea dates. i needed poetry. i needed music. i needed love.

i'm still going to need these things.
who will i get them from?


(5:30 AM realization to hotel light's "follow through")