just a product of anticipation,
toying with emotions and expectations.

don't give me what i want - that's the fun of it.
give me the last thing from my mind
and there lies delight.
play with me.
really, that's what we all want:

(i participated in a poetry slam for the first time tonight.
i really like it - i think i will be doing more spoken word stuff.)



the very secret you're trying to conceal
is the very same one you're dying to reveal

(those lines are so true, even when not about love.
because all songs may be love songs,
but all love songs are simultaneously about something higher than themselves.)



remember when we used to play that game as kids?
remember when we used to play that game as high schoolers?

nostalgia is my fondest friend.

i can't focus, sometimes.
and i get really upset when people break the plans i've made with myself.
(but really, i tend to break the plans i've made with myself just as often. i guess i ought to be grateful to people for giving me a reason not to blame myself, for once.)



it's not about that, really.
if that's what you think, you probably haven't been there.

but i am never one to judge.
don't let me belittle any part of your experiences; i wasn't there. i don't know.



time keeps slipping past and i can't seem to take advantage of it well enough.

(why am i not changing?)



happy valentine's day.

i've been reading anne sexton's poems lately. funny how "sex" is right in her name.
but she's very not-subtly subtle about the whole thing. her metaphors make me laugh and soften at the same time.
today is also a day for e.e. cummings, i do think, and brand-new cars and springtime and hips and things.

i'm going to write.

but. i have to go to lunch with my family and figure out the giver of a mysterious valentine, so.
later days.



i have got to get out of here.

i just don't fit in here.

i want to go home.



my current focus is less consumption. i want to be green. i want to eat locally grown foods and walk everywhere possible and buy less things i don't need. obviously this will take a transition period; i'm not going to all of a sudden change my entire life. i can, however, start now instead of later. i'm using a reusable water bottle and coffee cup to use less plastic and paper. i don't eat meat anymore. i hang my clothes instead of using the dryer. i travel using the train and bus.
but, really, i still use a lot of electricity and water, and am in no way an exceptional model of a low carbon footprint.
at least i'm trying, i guess?

i wish more people were earth-conscious. you have to do what you can now to make sure you don't have to do what you must later. and what harm will it do to just start now? even little things.

i know i'm not one to lecture, but. spread the word. stop doing at least one little thing, and it all of them added up can make a big difference.



just as i was getting low, low, low,
i run into someone i barely know,
and he begins to give me reasons
to get a little higher.

just as i was getting down, down, down,
i run into someone that loves the sound
and she lets me know that i'm meant
to get a little higher.

i'm feeling locally famous, and although my ego is not swelling, it is getting a little boost, which was altogether necessary lately, i do believe.
(i know i'm not really famous, but people are starting to know my name, and it's such an odd feeling.)



i'll just push a little further
see how far i'll stretch

(ignore all signs for stopping
they're not important now)