summer magic

little children love me, and i'm not really sure why.
i don't do anything particularly different, and yet they cling to me, run to me, ask me to hold them.

even the older boys picked on me instead of the other staff. which, i guess, is their way of showing approval.

it makes me want to work with kids, but at the same time...what an overwhelming job, anything with children. they need so much love, and although i can give it, i am afraid i wouldn't give it evenly, and that is not fair to anyone.

(also: i have got to get my priorities straight.)



here are some fragments of things i wrote down on post-it notes while working at my office job.
i just found them, and i'd rather not forget them, so i think i'll keep them here.
(i'd get bored and try to write poetry or whatever. most of this is sub-par, and i'm alright with that. they're just ideas to build on...or funny to me.)

oh, lighthouse keeper, you're the last of your kind
you've got time to think, time to make time
maybe someday you'll help me find
that not just waves can make your light

I wish I had a door I could close.

I've got a 20 minute window to get the hell outta here - maybe I'll take that chance, but maybe I'll get caught forever and ever in this copy-machine dungeon

I am made of things that break.
(this is a direct result of listening to a podcast that talked about health and the craziness of the human body and psyche
i listen to podcasts at work a lot)

your ideals equate to a "kick me" sign taped to your back.
you can't see the problem, but it doesn't stop you from getting beat up over it.

in other news, first real day of new job today; it's good.
the tennessee trip is partially planned.
i'm supposed to be cleaning my room and i'm not, but that's old news.
i've written a lot of songs lately out of necessity.

interesting tidbit for the day:



i scheduled my belmont visit.


dance dance dance

words can never make up for what you do.
(thanks, satpreet, this song tied into my day wonderfully.)

another year of teaching little kids how to sing and dance and play games has begun, and i must admit that i am excited. it is such a great job, and although it can be long, it is a good day in the end.

it's surprising how much people change (or don't) over years and through experiences.

driving and nashville are the two things i think about anymore.
well, other things, too, but i won't disclose that privileged information to you.

i want the words i say to please you, but i'm going to say what i'm going to say regardless of what you think, at this point. and i am proud of that. and you should be proud of that. even if you are disappointed in me for the content, at least be proud of me for the context.


something borrowed, something stolen

i've become less and less articulate in my music.
the songs i write feel like they are just coming from someone else. i guess it's a good skill to develop, the feeling of writing from another person's perspective, but not being able to write about what i feel is frustrating.

the only thing that gets me through a lot of the time is the prospect of moving to nashville and meeting a bunch of people who like the things i like and know the things i know. i hope they are there.
i want to sit around a table talking about the differences between nick drake and bert jansch and bob dylan, and get educated on the style of townes van zandt and dave van ronk. i want to be a folk guitarist. i also want to be a jazz pianist. and a great bluegrass multi-instrumentalist. i don't know, however, if i have enough time to do all of this. i have classes and life and things that are, at this point, almost getting in the way.
i still go by the theory that i should be able to thoroughly design my own education.

i learned some things this weekend and i want to write them all down and elaborate on everything, but i'm not sure that would be wise. i never know what would be wise.

i wrote a song this weekend, and i am satisfied in it for the sake of improving guitar skills, but i am dissatisfied for the sake of trite lyrics, and possibly trite chord progressions.

the upstairs shower is broken again. well, i guess it got fixed, but i'm scared to use it in case it is broken again. i'd rather not flood anything.

(i'm not moving to germany)


the angry blogger moment

alright, i am actually pretty upset at the state of humanity at the moment. so what am i going to do?
blog about it.

i being with a joke from larry the cable guy.
"how do you tell a toddler from a terrorist?
the terrorist will have the diaper on his head."
(his audience loved that jokes - whoops and hollers and cheers like you wouldn't believe.)

really, larry? what are you insinuating here?
that all people in turbans are terrorists? i know this is not true. the turban is religious and cultural garb, sure, but not all people in the same culture share the same beliefs. not everyone from that cultural is an extremist. not all people who live in the bible belt believe in a god, for example, so i don't see why you should be allowed to lump all those who have roots in that background together.
and i surely hope you are not implying that all terrorists wear turbans. this is, i must say, a horrible misconception. we here in america breed our own terrorists. i'm not sure if you've heard the reports of what our troops are doing the the civilians of iraq, but it is horrifying. we are breaking into their houses at 3 in the morning to choke their men and harass their women. we are shooting into their mosques. we are killing them for not much more of a reason than the slap on a back that a confirmed kill brings. the more brutal the killing the greater the reward - i think, sir, that we are now becoming the terrorists.

i am horribly offended that some think every muslim is a terrorist. i was attempting to talk to my grandmother about this, about how there are extremists in all faiths. granted, islam gives way a little easier to extremism in regards to dar al-islam and dar al-harb and all of those divisions, but it's not like we don't have extremists here in this country, in the faith of our majority! it's not like the christian faith is any less ridiculous with its evangelists and apocrypha. it's not like there haven't been religious wars on the western side of the world.

people are ridiculous. human beings are human beings. some have more good and some have more bad than others. ignorance is not an excuse anymore. ignorance is a horrible, horrible disease. and it is not being eradicated. there needs to be an anti-toxin, a vaccine, a way to stop this.

if someone has not done anything to hurt you, you have no reason to assume that they are in any way bad.

let them wear their turbans.

let them practice their religion.

do no harm.

assume no evil.

live and let live.