31.5.08

coward





i would send you one,
but i might not sign it.

29.5.08

i want out

think about how much fuel would be saved and the reduction of carbon emissions if nascar stopped.
or even cut the amount of laps in half.


social and environmental responsibility...what a common theme these days.

28.5.08

the stubborn brother of my bed

i know when i write music people don't think the lyrics really make sense. they ask, "what is this song about?" and i can't find a solid answer. i'm a little ashamed when that happens, but i realize that it makes sense in my head, and i'm not sure why it doesn't make sense in everyone else's head. stream of consciousness writing only really works for the consciousness that is writing it. i feel something and i say it, and, to me, everything is interrelated in that sense. but to you, you have not been inside my head, and you don't know why all of these things work together.

i have to learn to play guitar.
or at least learn how to fake knowing how to play the guitar.
i have to start going to bed earlier.




i'm feeling lonely in that sense of not really knowing people anymore. i'm not actually lonely - i'm actually pretty satisfied, socially - but i feel bad that i don't talk to as many people anymore. i am not living in a dorm full of people and i don't go to a school where i run into lots of people all the time. i'm okay with that, though. i am okay with not seeing a lot of people all the time. i am perfectly fine with a few good friendships and some sporadic interactions with people that i don't really know.



part of me hopes to develop hiking as a new obsession or at least pastime.

25.5.08

next year

i will be preparing myself for nashville;
this is what i keep telling myself.



i've decided not to get a job this summer, but i have set myself enough goals that i have my work cut out for me.
i'm going college visiting again - how odd.

21.5.08

as brown as leaves can get

i bought this guitar so i could write a bunch of simple songs.
because i need to get back into my heart. and i need to stop feeling so silly. and i need to feel the music instead of trying to make it feel me.

a guitar is an easy instrument to be happy on, which i don't write lately.
but it is also easy enough to be sad.





this is a familiar feeling, this nighttime song.
(you know me)

19.5.08

an understood you



the first three frames are from real life.
the last one is made up for the purposes of making you laugh.

17.5.08

you hear that?

i'm sort of just mucking around in the dirt right now.
time is passing and i don't even notice.
deadlines are just whizzing by...
and life is going to happen faster than i want it to.

slow down for just a moment, please?

15.5.08

embarrassment

i can't explain all my irrationalities to you.

they make just as much sense to me.

14.5.08

hypochondriac

ugh, this always happens.
i don't think anything is wrong with me, and then someone else convinces me that there is.

13.5.08

300

lately when i am trying to verbalize thoughts i find myself losing language and saying words i don't mean. everything is all mixed up going from my brain to my mouth.

at least in writing i can read it back again, but when i speak, there is no editing. i am making a fool of myself.

11.5.08

you can know this much

my fingertips are light and dancing and making a million words just in time for my brain to respond.

i've lately begun a habit of holding my own hands just to fill the spaces, just to feel how my hands would feel in someone else's, just to know what that's like.

10.5.08

progress

i stole the extra car key from my mother.
i'm going to play my own music in front of a crowd of people.

everything else will smooth itself out; the stormy waters are just for now.

5.5.08

another dead deer

i don't know what i want.

it kills me, a little. i wish i had a plan. i wish i could make a to do list for this. i wish i had everything figured out.
but i am a human being, you know?
and it just doesn't work like that.
life throws wrenches in the cogs, gives you surprises that can either be wonderful or devastating.

i'm not sure if i know how to deal with things properly, sometimes.

i want to curl up and sleep forever, but at the same time i want to live every day with everything in me.
i am scared and ready.
everything i can do needs to become everything i am doing.

i do not want to be wasted potential.

3.5.08

rabbit ears

it is the first night of summer.

i may spend it sleeping.

but...blankets are so soft.

i cannot resist.