the rain is beautiful.
i am happy.
it smells like summer nights and sounds like spring afternoons.
[it is a decision i have to make for myself, and i think that's what is frightening. i am torn. i know what is right and what is wrong, but i also know what makes me feel good and what makes me feel bad. i need to reconcile these things. i need to find what makes me happy, and i need to find satisfaction in "good" things instead of things that are obviously not contributing towards my well-being. i don't know what next year will bring. my lucid self hopes for productivity and wellness. yes.]