13.4.08

confession

i knew him once, briefly, and only in jest did i consider him anything monumental in my life.
and yet, when i begin to dream, he will occasionally make an appearance.
last night he was my best friend, my counsel. i ran my fingers through his hair and held him; he was sad but i don't remember why. he loved me fearlessly. the main thing i remember is a feeling of safeness and of constancy, the warmth of assured love.
i feel strange, now, knowing that i am dreaming of this person who doesn't even know me, who i don't even know. why? i know dreams are fairly meaningless, but i want to know why my subconscious chose this character for its follies.
maybe i am just lonely. perhaps the ideas that came along with his brief excursion into my real life are just manifesting themselves in my dream life. they were never my ideas, but other people say things that get stuck under my skin.
maybe i am just hoping for security here. i really do just want it to feel like home, and this could be a way for my mind to attempt to make everything more comfortable and secure with people who are still relatively new to me.

all i know is that i wouldn't mind having the same dream again.

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