26.2.08

things meant to be

"does your heart hurt sometimes?"



i'm a ridiculously honest human being;
i don't understand how i am so good at faking it.

(i thought you could read me)

25.2.08

sail away

i need you to reassure me. i need you to convince me. i'm dancing around the subject, sure, and i'm trying to get you to say what i need to hear. but the truth is, i need to hear it to believe it.

i have this problem of not fully understanding what i like about myself until i know someone else likes it, too.
and there is so much i have not come to terms with yet.

i need you to reassure me that i am worth your while.
anyone's while.

it's just this mood i've been in; i need to know i'm good enough.

and these days, i feel like i'm not good enough for anything at all.

(i'll get out of this funk and like myself a little more, i hope. but for now, i attempt to see through foggy glasses.)

24.2.08

i'm so vain...

...i wished that song was about me.

23.2.08

jailbait

i might be young, but that doesn't mean i am easy.

22.2.08

hidden track

spontaneous friendship is okay
broken rules are nothing anymore
secret sneak outs

but sneaking in in the first place
i'm really not sure how to work these things




why do i leave what i know is good for something i know won't satisfy me?
unsatisfied, unsatisfied always.
but it's called trying, i guess. i am trying to find something that will fit like i want it to.



they love me as much as i can let them.
how much will i let them?

18.2.08

cold hands

can't you see

that's where i belong
right there
get your arms out of the way
barring me from where i am meant to be

let me stay there

16.2.08

perfectly

i've gotten quiet.




but the words will come.
they will spill out in a thousand broken fragments from my mouth, sharp water shaped like glass.
and you will hear them. you will hear them and understand why.

14.2.08

traded for good

i have your smile on my lips




the world has wrapped itself around my heart and i am befuddled, amazed, happy.

i've got to work out all the logistics, but eventually, things will level out just in time to fluctuate.

13.2.08

another day

it's time to really start taking responsibility for myself.
i need to be able to get myself everywhere i need go, without anyone else.
i need to be able to speak up for myself, and say what i need to say.


sometimes, when things get scary, i say things and do things that aren't real. i look at things and can't see through the cloud of my eyes and so i see what's not there. i feel strange and i act accordingly.

i'm still trying to settle into myself. i will be for years. but i'm discovering things at a faster pace, these days. i have my solid foundation, i have my placated personality. now i am just building from the outside, gaining control of relationships and what i am able to handle of the world around me.

there's a day to celebrate love tomorrow; i am apathetic.
i'd like to celebrate love every day.



i just want you to hold my hand/be patient with me when there are things i don't understand.

10.2.08

yin

i know what is right; why do i have to prove it to you?

8.2.08

take care

you changed my life and now you're not even a part of it;
this is not fair;
do you even care anymore?



this is just proof of another lack of consistency that i wish had not happened. i wish that we could defy these laws of physics, these laws of relationships. i was pulling for you, too, you know? i really thought that we had something going for awhile.

i've told you my nonsense, and now i will tell someone else everything i've really thought through.

7.2.08

sleeping in

i love you
yes
yes
yes


and today will be good despite all of its potential to dislike me.
the world is beautiful
and living is good,
i am going to be happy regardless.



return, return, return please.

5.2.08

the small pieces

i am going to drive myself to exhaustion
because that is all i know how to do



read read read read
practice practice
work work work

i want the part that says

love love love love
play play play play
sing sing sing sing

but i just can't get myself to do it anymore

real life is lame; i should be a rock star.

4.2.08

blunt

it's just that you hate everyone else more than you love me







(i can't do this alone but i am anyway)

2.2.08

augh

i am so, so, so sorry for everything i am about to do.

really.

i don't know what you meant

i smile when i'm sad
and i've gotten really good at keeping secrets.




i am getting homesick for the people that feel like home.

1.2.08

set me down

it is painful simplicity,
what is right in the world.



oh, and the enacting of simplicity
is the most incredibly complex,
intricate process
the world will ever know.