3.1.08

dreamt i hugged you

i'm really not sure why things don't work out the way i have them planned out in my head. it makes perfect sense there, you know? all the pieces fit together. i know my logic isn't always sound, but can't you see how beautiful it could be?

all these people only serve to make things more complicated. all of these emotions and ideas and other things that should be easily discarded in the name of the moment. this is what is here now. and i don't care about down the road, right now. it's rash, it's childish, it's exactly what people hate about people. and it's what i want to do. i want to give into everything in the moment. just for this once. i live so much in the past and in the future that i want to live in now for once.

i wish my lips didn't falter when my brain finally got to building up the courage.

finding notes from myself a year ago made me laugh. seeing the people i loved a year ago made me sad. i want to know why things fall apart and why love fails. i want to know where people go when i do not see them. i just need constant love. i need a constant love. who that will be, i don't know yet. but i need somebody to stick around, for once.

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