which will

i am no good at insomnia.

i haven't listened to nick drake in a long time, and i think i've started a sort of binge. it's like a music eating disorder or something.

i don't want to go back to school; i don't want to have to deal with anything.
i can't deal with anything.

when i say i'm in love with nick drake, what i really mean is that i love like nick drake and feel like him and i somehow know what it is to live inside him at some points. although i guess i can't assume.
but i do, indeed, want to sleep with him. more for the victory of being that girl and for the intimate sadness we would achieve. sadly, i have no time machine. (confession: if i had a time machine, i would not use it for useful purposes, per se, but to go back and seduce certain literary, musical, and historical figures that i sort of have crushes on. all of them. from beethoven to alexis de tocqueville, from glenn gould to e.e. cummings. and, of course, nick drake.)

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