21.12.07

rushed heart

i was told once
that most men
lead lives
of quiet desperation

but i thought about it for awhile
and i think
that most men
die
of quiet desperation.







[and quiet desperation is what i have become. i reach these moments sometimes when i am just overcome with inexplicable sadness. there is no way to stop it. there is no one to call. i have to wait for the clouds to pass over. it could take twenty minutes, it could take a day. and sometimes, it frightens me, getting so lost in this desperation. afterwards, of course, i regain my calm composure of day-to-day living, but those moments are horrifying and incredibly alone. i do not know how to fix it. i could not fix it if i tried. every moment is turning into an internal struggle, fighting perceptions of how to live. i might not be able to hold it in any longer. i wonder if something is wrong here. and if it is, i will have absolutely no idea what to do.]

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