i'm terrible at showing affection!
i shouldn't be, for as much as i want it. i long to be touched and yet when i am, i don't know what to do. how to react. i'm terrible, terrible, terrible at it. and i can never initiate anything.
but maybe it is that i am longing for a different kind of touch entirely, from a different kind of person.
i hate the realization, "i loved you. i loved you, but i did not know how to love you."
it kills me a little.
"i love you."
"and i you."
(why can't i just say it?
why am i having such a hard time letting people know i love them?
i am not like this!
i am not a broken person!
no. i refuse to be lost in the ways of affection, to be silent in love.
and yet, i cannot build myself up to do what i feel.)