i keep having dreams, and this is no old news.
but i keep having the same dreams, over and over. too many times. so i wonder if my mind is trying to say something. if it's trying to push me.
but it can only push so far.
there's what i want on the inside, and then there is what i acknowledge as the reality of what i want. what my mind knows is the right thing, and what my heart is yelling, hands clutching the bars, attempting to escape. i know now that my heart is always my mind's captive, as romantic as i fancy myself.
i get so lost in the music sometimes, it makes me ashamed. it turns off and i am brought back to this harsh reality that i am not in a film, that i am not in control of this situation. i am no director. this car ride is not endless.
i poured out my soul to a microphone yesterday, and then gave it to the world. and i'm slightly embarassed, slightly ashamed. because now everyone can know what i am. what i feel. some of the deepest inner workings of my being. these things were my insides, my quiet practice rooms and silent ideas. and now, they are for everyone.
please don't break them.
hold them in your hand, and know you are holding the part of me i never, never wanted to show you.
and did anyway.