impromptu sound check

i need to be touched, held, held to standards of human physical contact that i have been missing (missing far too much), and i need to be enveloped.

i need someone to kiss me and mean it.

i want to love someone with all of me. i want to give all of me to one person, to hand over everything inside me and to have that be held so tightly inside his fist that it cannot be harmed from the outside, and so softly that he cannot crush it. i want to have all of me in you, and all of you in me. i want soft bodies at midnight, i want discovery and freedom, i want a hand reaching for mine.

this is too much to ask.

i don't even know who i'm asking it from.
i don't even know what i really want. what i really, really, truly, deeply want.
i think my mind, heart, and soul are all in disagreement. about love, about life.
i don't know how much of this is physical, how much is emotional, how much is fact, how much is real.

it's just that i don't like sleeping alone.
and my lips feel empty when i speak.

(i would have told you.
i would have told you.
i could not tell you.)

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